Ladies and Gentleman please fasten your seatbelts we are about to takeoff; Michael Owen finds new career as an actor

Anyone who's watched Newcastle United since January knows that Michael Owen is not as good as he used to be at his main job of football. So instead of focusing and concentrating on his playing career Michael Owen has embarked on a radical change of vocation and is now planning to become an actor.

Well what is his first job? In order to answer this question we must look at Dubai..... With a global recession and plummeting property prices countries which are heavily reliant on property have seen a disastrous slump in new investment, promoting serious economic fallout. The Dubai property investment group: The First Group decided that the only way to counteract these macro-economic trends was to have launch a new investment video with the aim of attracting big-money investment.

So who would head this video I hear you ask? Surely an established actor, perhaps; George Clooney, Bruce Willis, Russel Crowe, Jude Law, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Michael Caine..... NO! Michael Owen will head the new investment video. They say drastic times call for drastic measures.

"Are you buckled up and ready?" Here is the video, all 9mins and 57seconds
of it.


Michael Owen Flies a Helicopter over Dubai
Video courtesy of The First Group Dubai Estate Agents
Michael's delivery and acting skills make this video very watchable and even exhilarating at points. Every word he speaks you hang-on and his use of adjectives is inspired. Micheal tells the potential investors that the helicopter that he is "piloting" has special powers. What? Special powers? Are you mad, nuts, crackers, crazy or bonkers? Why did he say that? What prompted The First Group to put that in the script, or was it improvised by this acting genius?

I'm not sure how Michael makes somewhere as amazing as such as Dubai so immensely boring but he does, that's how good he is. Michael makes several jokes, which drastically fail in every aspect. Michael Owen is a awful guide and I would be appalled if I paid $3m for an apartment and he was my next door neighbour giving me a tour of the building.

Also If you understand Russian, Owen's First Group teammate and another acting Goliath in Andriy Shecvchenko gives an equally thrilling tour, tailored for the Russian Oligarchs. Here is the link

Overall I don't believe that Owen has the capabilities to be an actor, and he was massively misguided in his judgment.

"I hope you enjoyed the flight"

Summarising thought: The First Group should have used a cardboard cutout of a horse to present this video, it would have been much more entertaining.