A collection of suit-wearing delusional ego-maniacs : The Apprenctice

In this post I will be analysing the buisness-based 'reality' show, that is the Apprentice.

First and foremost I bloody love The Apprentice and find it very entertaining and this will become more evident as my words continue.

I think that there are several key elements which make the Apprentice a success, which are:

1. Sir Alan Sugar
2. The candidates and their over-inflated opinions of themselvs
   
3. The clear format
4. The tasks
5. The TV-created extra pressure
6. The theme tune (Flight of the Knights)
7. Nick and Margret
8. Brilliant editing and producing

The main star of the Apprentice is Sir Alan Sugar, the founder of Amstrad who now runs a £750m business empire. He is the programmes central focus for obvious reasons.
The Apprentice helps to serve Sugar's enlarged ego even further, by having 15 people all clambering to be his apprentice and giving him the respect he think he deserves. I always enjoy Sir Alan's "improvised" put-downs and clever puns, which he beams about like someone was gently ticking his testicles. Let's not overstate Sugar's buisness acumen as Sir Alan built his empire by focusing on costs and undercutting the comepittion and being a bit lucky with the exapnsion of the perosnal computer market in the mid-to-late 80's. So he's no Warren Buffet, so don't be fooled.

The candidates are generally a collection of suit-wearing delusional ego-maniacs, each with their own personalised mission statement rambling on about their goals and drive to the point where you want to punch them in the head. Some candidates you'll dislike others, you'll just hate with a deep bitterness. Former candidates such as Saiid, Katie Hopkins and Ruth Badger are expert examples of the screening process being designed to filter through the largest ego's and the most unpleasant personal traits. This year we've had Phil: the Geordie who's arrogance is only inferior to Sir Alan's, Ben a jumped up stock broker who constantly talks about how he is going to destroy people in the boardroom like some testosterone enduced mentalist, Kate; the business hottie who is my tip to win and Noorul the most delusional man to ever appear on the Apprentice, who has completely lost touch with reality.

To quote the lovely Nooral, who said "I have always been ambitious and driven and I've got the capabilities to deliver. I am not all talk... I can manage a team of people, total strangers even, because I am feisty and have attitude." To anyone who's actually watched the show, in "reality" Noorul is rubbish and failed to show any managerial skills, couldn't negotiate and was completely incompetent at all of the tasks. I personally think I am much more adept at business than him, and have more analytical, sales, marketing and managerial skills capabilities than he can ever hope to.

The Format: Get into teams, decide on a leader, do the task, then which ever team loses the leader has to bring back two members in to the boardroom for some boardroom drama (consisting of bitching, shouting and Sir Alan looking dismayed by all the arguing), then Sir Alan decides on which person to fire, and outcomes the catchphrase and the finger.
Tasks consist of the teams going around London and the surrounding areas doing an array of tasks such as; selling, arranging meetings, designing products, arguing with each other, cleaning, market research, presenting etc. These tasks help structure the show and are purposely designed to create a bit of drama and holes for candidates to fall into.

As The Apprentice is a TV show, for every member of the public you see and for every shop they enter they have to get their permission, which is time consuming and adds to the extra pressure on the teams. Also they have cameramen and sound technicians following theie every move, again creating pressure, which is why you see people panicking, making appalling decisions and crumbling under pressure.

Nick and Margret are the right and left-hand assistants of Sir Alan are are added bonus of the show. With Nick, a sharp-faced gentleman who seems to be conituisly galring at the canidates like he's plotting new and elaborate ways to torture them. And Marget the WI member who's shocked by anything that's mildly offensive such as partial nudity or abrupt language. Here is a video of some of their highlights from the fourth series;

"You look nothing like my dad"

As its a rainy Monday I thought I would post a few videos currently distracting me from my marketing report. These three are from the grime scene.

The first 1:45 of this is brilliant. Big Narstie's Star Wars bars are genuinely brilliant. Then Tim Westwood tries to make fat jokes for the next 8 minutes.

"Star Wars: The New Hope, Im fresh like a new coat"

This glorious offering is from Tim & Barry TV displaying Tempa T, the angriest grime MC on the grime circuit spitting bars in front of the Parthenon in Athens while tourists walk by intrigued by his presence. The content of the video is quite ironic as the PARthenon is a world cultural hertiage site and a fomrer place of worship, which completly conflicts with the imagery of Tempz's lyrics, which talks about about him smashing HDTV's and dragging people from their cars. This is why it is genius.

Its a par, its a par!

The third video is from Newham Generals promoting a track from their new album Generally Speaking (which is pretty bloody good) called Bell Dem Slags

The video is not as expertly produced as Head Get Mangled, but it certainly conveys the message of the track exceptionally

My take on the week

This week as been one of mainly worrying developments. These are a few stories that have taken my attention this week.

Hitler's paintings were put on auction on Thursday and sold for a combined £95k. Its fair to say that Hitler was not a very good artist and why the art school he applied for knocked him back. However, this does not justify his behaviour afterwards, which was to all parties a bit bad. Here is one of his works which I think looks is ok, but I'm no art critic.










The revelation that a former Bolivian football team doctor gave Viagra to the team, as they play at a high altitude and the Viagra helps get oxygen to the blood. I couldn't be bothered with an erection/football pun.

Football: Another higlight of my week was the stunning 4-4 game between Liverpool and Arsenal was a joy to behold, and the pormotion of Wimbledon AFC to the conference was good for football.

Swine Flu- Bloody Mexicans- This is a worrying development with over 100 deaths confirmed so far. It could see a world-wide pandemic or it could be just another media-induced panic, resulting in a non-event. Currently it certainly looks worse than the avian flu a few years back.

Tamil Tigers: The worrying developments in Sri-Lanka have taken a turn for the worse. It reminds me a bit of the recent Israel invasion of Palestine where there is a propaganda war going on while innocent people were dying. With conflicting reports from both sides making unsubstantiated claims of war crimes. Lets hope it ends soon and that a ceasefire/surrender is reached.

The Boring Budget cast a cloud of gloom over the country on Wednesday. This has promoted Eaton-educated posh-boy Cameron to promise an age of 'thrift' under the Torries. Cameron proposes to get rid of government waste such as the expensive I.D cards proposal. Im a bit sceptical about this as I'm not sure about the validility of David Cameron's thrift credentials. Has he ever eaten 8p Noodles or refrained from heating his house in winter to save money? I doubt it I think that every government and shadow minister should have to live in a student house where toilet paper is a rare commodity for a week to get some perceptive.

Future predictions: someone will buy the right to Susan Boyle the movie with her impending appointment to be the new ITV chief executive

Susan Boyle should be the new ITV chief executive!

Yer, yer I said it, so what!

Susan Boyle + ITV = Success

I think Youtube sensation Susan Boyle should be the new executive chairman of ITV.

Susan Boyle was 'unearthed' by the wonderful Britain's got talent (a programme which incidentally makes my blood 'Boyle'). BGT is a typical crowd-pleasing entertainment show with no value other than to appease the brain-dead masses with predictable rubbish and is the type of programming ITV has become synonymous for in the past decade, contributing to its downfall.

ITV is currently in the brown-stuff with losses of £2.7 billion in its last financial year and with tough market conditions and advertising revenues dropping faster than Britney Spear's underwear its a bleak outlook for the broadcaster. Michael Grade the previous chairman was pushed aside and forced to resign earlier this week so a 'fresh face' could takeover and revitalise the organisation.
So what better face than Susan Boyle's to take over the reigns.
With ITV shares tumbling for years, Susan could be the thing to buck the trend. Her eccentric behaviour, lovable charm and appeal to the masses who created her can re-invigorate an ailing organisation. She can realign ITV's strategy to meet the new media needs of the 21st century and her links to the common man will aid her in the battle for ITV's survival by providing a platform of popular support. Other applicants for the job such as Sir Crispin Davies, Rupert Howell and Mark Byford to me just don't have the 'X-Factor' needed. There broadcasting experience and knowledge is pointless in comparison to SB's overall offerings to ITV.

I personally dislike ITV (as you may have gathered) because it has moved away from its core values of producing quality television and continues to churn out lacklustre, boring, unimaginative programming e.g.Dancing on Ice, the X-Factor , Im a celebrity GMOH, Ant & Dec's takeaway, Jeremy Kyle, This Morning, Bingo Night Live and Beat the star.
If you think any of the previous programmes represent good quality broadcasting then you are a moron, and have no conception of good television and are appeased by predictability, and blinded by dirty entertainment techniques that ITV have been employing. The only thing good about ITV's recent programing are Coronation Street and the Champions league coverage. The F1 coverage was also good but it has now gone to the BBC which is doing a better broadcasting job.

If you're thinking about putting a bet on Boyle to become chief executive of ITV the odds are around 5000/1 from Ladbrokes.

So ITV, stop procrastinating and appoint Susan Boyle immediately, as its the only sensible option left. Drastic times cause for drastic measures!

Summarising thought: ITV's is rubbish and Amanda Holden strikes a remarkable resemblance to a blow-up doll

Clear the runway: The Flight of the Conchords are back on British screens

Good news to fans of the Flight of the Conchords, as they are returning to BBC4 in the coming weeks. This is just one of the growing lineup of excellent programing now on bbc4, joining Charlie Brooker's Newswipe and MadMen.
The announcement was made all the way back in February but I only realised now after seeing a trailer.
The second series aired in the U.S back in January consists of 10 episodes and should contain the same cast as season 1.The second season will inevitably be weaker than the first but hopefully still highly enjoyable.

For people who do not know what the Conchords are about; Its based on two New Zealand muscians trying to make it big in New York. They are a bit like the Mighty Boosh in the sense they combine comedy with music, but they use more improvisation and have a more awkward style of comedy. I would advice people to watch the first series even just for Rhys Darby's fantastic performance as Murray.

Here are two trailers for the new series from HBO:

Budget Blunder

Today, the budget 2009 report was announced in Parliament by Alistar "the eyebrows" Darling.
Basically to sum-up the budget; the UK is in the shit and the way the government is going to solve the issue of the world recession is to borrow a unprecedented amount of money and plough it into the UK economy through public spending and fiscal stimulus packages.

First off it should be said that Alistar Darling has a stupidly hard job to do, as does any Chancellor of any major European country and he should be commended for not breaking down and crying whilst delivering the worst budget a chancellor has had to deliver in a long time.

After the obligatory rise in cigarettes, alcohol and fuel, Darling said the economy had shrunk by 3.5% well over government estimations and that in order to continue the record levels of public spending, public borrowing will rise to £175 billion, which is the highest in the UK's history.

After Darlings boring speech had to come to a conclusion it was time for David "Chameleon" Cameron to say a few things. Cameron's speech was an offensive speech attacking the government, he rebuffed Darling by claiming that the government had made an "utter mess" of the economy. Cameron then continued with the dressing down of Brown and Darling with some probing comments attacking labour on policies and the state of the economy.

This pleased me as I enjoy a bit of PMQ style political banter and I personally think Cameron is incredibly good as an opposition leader. Many people don't like Cameron and it is understandable why, as to quote Stewart Lee who calls him a David "the weathercock" Cameron, as his political persuasions change with the prevailing wind of public opinion and Stewart Lee still wonders whether he's got a cock or not?

That being said his ability to pick holes in government policy and attack experienced politicians and dismiss labour MP's heckling is remarkable. The highlight of the speech was when Cameron referred to a labour MP's comments comparing going to the IMF to going to a spa, leaving the government red-faced. Here is a clip of Cameron going at the government.



Summarising comment: When Gordon Brown smiles he looks a bit like a paedophile.

Armando = Genius

After rewatching the innovative sartical comedy of the Armando Iannucci shows I thought I would share this little gem of a clip.

Ahmadinejad Update: Ahmadinejad didn't dissapoint

As expected he sparked contraversy with an attack on Isreal, branding it a racist country with diplomats walking out left, right and centre. I think someone for a pro-isreal group threw an apple at him, I hope this was the case as the apple is universally regarded as the "most racist fruit" in a recent poll.

There is a good article by Paul Reynolds on the matter, see
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/8007673.stm

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is a holocaust denier, and is attending a U.N anti-racism conference

Mahniyd Ahmadinejad the Iranian president (see left)is going to attend and speak at the U.N anti-racism conference in Geneva later today. To me this is quite funny and a disaster waiting to happen as he has previously decribed the Holocaust as a myth and wants to destory Isreal. I am looking forward to seeing Ban Ki-Moon's little face as Ahmadinejad rants about Zionist conspiracy theires plaguing the world.

This has promted me to think about the subject of Holocuast denial, as to me it is perplexing how someone can ignnore moutains of evidence and millions of people's perosnal accounts and claim its a conspiracy.
So what are the main arguments holocast deniers speak from their mouths?

1) Its a Jewish conspiracy theory, to try and advnace the intrests and plight of the Jewish people, an to establish and justify a Jewish homeland In Palestine.
2) Its an conspiracy theory developed from the Allies who want to make the Germans look like bastard to justify WWII
3) It was done to demonise the Nazis and to ensure they never had mainstream creditability in the future.

There are many hisotrians who have published books debating the number of deaths and the possiblility of a conspiracy. Most of their work has been discriedited, but they are still many people who beleive in the conspiracry. So here is a small list of holocaust deniers:

• Hamaas
• The Saudi Ariabian Governement
• Francois Duprat
• Ottto Ersnst Remer, and
• Rousas John Rushdoony

Holocause denital is illegal in 13 counties; including Austia, Germany, France, Isreal and Switzerland (where the conference is being held)

As a visitor to Auschitz-Birkenaue myself, I still find it confusing how people can fully deny the holocaust. It also makes me ponder that a lot of the claims made are for propaganda purposes e.g by Hamas, and some are to cause contraversy and sell books.

My concluding thought is that: Ahmadinejad loves it, and loves to cause conrtraversy

First Blog Post

Hello, hi and welcome to my first venture in to the blogosphere.

The objective of this blog to air my opinions on random matters on varying importance. I will hopefully higlight many things that catch my attention. I aim to do a weekly commentry on the events of the previous week, but due to human nature this blog will invetably end up dying.

Have fun and enjoy!!